Grandmother's (babushka's) role in Russian family

My Russian girlfriend is extremely attached to her grandmother. She can call here everyday. Sometimes it is rather annoying...but her friends seem to be cool about it. Is it a cultural difference or just her? Asked by Christian


Well, I don't know your girlfriend and cant say if she is over obsessed with her grandmother ))) But frankly, I would say that this will be rather normal behavior for a girl who was raised by her grandparents. Don't stress (!), it doesn't mean that she didn't grow up. Maybe like many children who were born in Soviet (or post-Soviet) country she just probably never had a nanny and was raised by her grandmother.

HISTORY

To have an extra help in raising kids in Soviet culture was considered "bourgeois" and highly suspicious. People had neither money nor services available. So since almost all mothers had to return to work when the child was 1-3 years old, the kids had to be put in the nursery or left with someone from the family.

REALITY

This special someone was often a grandmother. Quite often a grandmother-to-be would retire when her first grandchild is born...And she will begin a new full-time job with no term of retirement )))))
It will be grandmother who will be replacing mother/nanny/siblings for many kids.

She will be the one who will spoil, teach, congratulate the first!

....This of cause can (and often does) cause a serious tension between a mother and a grandmother . Who one wants to share a love of a child? )))

SENTIMENTAL

Still if you want to know how people of ex-USSR feel about their babushka. Ask them who was their babushka...and you will a right to see a tear in their eyes, smile and a long story of the best kotletki (meatballs) ever!!!!

P.S. So don't be surprised, if your Russian mother-in-law will be against hiring a nanny when you have a baby and will be ready to take full care of YOUR child ))). She knows that her effort will be fully paid back.

She will be loved by her grandchildren and......they will be cuddly until a very mature age )))....and will memorize every moment spent together (on the datcha, for example)

Arrivial of a newborn in Russia

I'd like to know ...who cares for mother and baby the first days after birth. Is it the family, like grandmother and aunts, or a nurse?
Is there any difference between giving birth in a city or at the countryside?
And what's the role of the father? I found a site which said that fathers after the birth of their child the whole night go boozing with friends, but I thought that rather unlikely.

Next, is there some party for the family, friends, and neighbors or can they visit whenever they?
Are there special gifts you give the mother and child?
And is it still a custom to wrap the baby?

Asked by Maud, Holland
This is a big subject, but I'll try to summarize everything in several short paragraphs.

ALWAYS


Indeed, the world surrounding the birth of a new person rests in Russia purely the women's world. I will disappoint you to say that not that Russian men don't love their newborn children.... it is just rather cultural to leave the pregnancy and everything concerning this mysterious process to the women.

Social studies prove that majority of Russian women won't expect the father of their baby to accompany her through the pregnancy to doctors or even to be present at the labor room.

You will be surprised, but chastity and timidity would be the right words to describe the feelings of both sides.
Majority of women would have their babies in the official medical establishments where they will stay from 5-7 days after giving a birth (this, by the way, allows woman to rest) and just few would prefer to have a labor at home under the supervision of a midwife. Rural areas won't be much different from the towns.
The level of comfort could vary .....but this will be true for any other country.)))))


One important issue would be the restriction on the visits in the neonatal section of the hospital. In many places, even fathers are not welcomed. Hygiene standards don't allow any foreign infection in the hospital. So grandparents, friends, and relatives will have to wait until the newborn is allowed to go home with his mom. ...And that is why in every family you will have a picture of them on the stairs of the hospital accompanied by a woman wearing white robe holding wrapped pink of blue blanket ))))
Thus, the midwife presents a new member to the family!
...And yes, we do wrap our babies for the first several months of life ))))
TRADITIONS & SUPERSTITIONS

The modern life and technology definitely entered life of Russians, but there are some traditions and superstitions which survived all: Tsar, Soviet, and any modern times influence )))

1. During the pregnancy, a woman should not eat in secret (hiding). If she does so: her child could be born fearful.

Modern EXPLANATION: Such desire can appear either in case of food deficiency (which in our time is, fortunately, rare), or in case of eating “forbidden fruits”, for example chocolate or oranges, which can be considered as allergic for the baby. .... (Still not clear how could it make the kid fearful)))

2. Never mention that you are pregnant, except to a father of a child and a doctor! Until stomach becomes noticeable, a woman should not mention to anyone her pregnancy. ...Grandparents, friends included.
Modern EXPLANATION: This very ancient popular belief. Once there was an entire “system” of rites, which helped a woman to conceal the pregnancy from the evil spirits, which aimed to harm an unborn baby. Women wore husband's shirts, worked as much as others to hide her pregnancy especially from those, among whom could hide anyone with a "bad eye".

Nowadays contemporary psychologists recommend following this advice in certain cases (especially when there is a threat of the miscarriage). The reason for this is not in “being jinxed” but a probable natural miscarriage during the first term. If this misfortune happens, the possible questions on the state of mother's health can traumatize woman even more than the event itself.
3. The name of a future child must be held in secret. A name of an unborn baby can be considered but shall be held in strict secrecy as the evil spirits can try to harm an unborn baby.

4. Pregnant mother shall not touch domestic animals. A pregnant woman must not play with the cat, even take it into the hands, in the child will otherwise be many enemies.
Modern EXPLANATION: The discovery in XX century of toxoplasmosis, a very dangerous disease for future moms, which is actually transferred by cats, cleared this superstition.

5. No clothes or toys or anything shall be bought or kept in the house where the pregnant woman lives. If grandparents or father buy anything they shall never show it to a future mom. Everyone pretends that there is no change coming in the family's life. Father will have time to get it all once a baby is born. That is what he is doing together with all aunts and grandparents when mother and a baby rest after the labor.
6. A woman shall not cut her hair during the pregnancy. (I couldn't get a decent explanation why).

7. No stranger eyes should look at the baby until the child is the 1-2 month old.

There are no traditions of any baby shower in Russia. Presents are just given to the parents at the occasions.
Usually, the first party would be organized for the christening (if the parents plan to baptize a baby) or for any other close holiday (New Year/birthday of a member of a family). But more often you will not be invited to the house. Once again - "no infection in the house" is needed.

P.S. Hope, it covers more or less all of your questions. As for the father's drinking all night long after the day when his son was born. You know, I am sure this is not only Russian tradition...but who would blame the happy dad? ))

Dinner and "good night" time for kids in Russia

What time is dinner (supper) for small children? Middle age children? Older children? What time do Russian kids go to bed?

Asked by Anza West


HISTORY

Traditions of dinner time for all children in Russia (and I mean on all ex-USSR territory) have not changed much since Soviet times when everyday life of any family member was supposed to be organized according to the general recommendation of the State sanitary control.

...Well, it sounds scary, but actually it was very well organized and every new mom could get an answer to any question regarding her child from her local pediatric center for children from 0 to 16 years old(polyclinic).

Quiet often all walls of this centers were covered with the clear slogans. from how to teach your child to eat to what time to put him to bed. As you can see from the picture, it was advised that for the child's health the best schedule will be:

9 am -breakfast
1pm - lunch
4am - snack
7:30pm - dinner

This recommendation applied to the children of all ages.

It was important to finish dinner before 8:45pm, as at 8:45pm every child on the territory of ex-USSR was suppose to be in front of TV for his evening treat.

He had a right for 15 minutes long program Good night , babies! (Spokoinoi noch malyshi!) which was often the only daily TV entertainment of a child from 3 to 9 years old .

Music from this program put all babies in the sleepy mood and they were ready to go to bed leaving some free time for their parents.


REALITY

Well, of cause many things has changed since then and now parents have access to all recommendations possible from all over the world. Some leave kids to eat when they want and to play until they fall asleep on the couch, others stick to a good old tradition of the grand-mothers.

But usually, since many parents work and are rarely home before 7pm, the dinner for all is around 7 30pm, unless grandma or nanny helps to feed hungry small kids before that. Teenagers will wait for parents or will eat before 8pm if parents left something to be heated.

You rarely will see small kids wondering around on the street after 9pm. The rule of 9pm-sleep-time still works but even if kids don't go to bed right away they are not allowed to go outside after the dinner. Those who will not go to bed might spent evening in front of computer or TV....just like in any other country)))))