Marrying a Russian guy

I'm always curious about gender roles and expectations of other cultures and I was just wondering about Russian men. I hear so much about Russian women marrying and looking for foreign husbands and I always hear about Russian men marrying only Russian women.

Even the ones I know here in the U.S. have married Russian women. Do the men date or marry foreign women ever? If not do you know if there is a cultural significance to this?
Asked by Siobhan

Hey Siobhan,

I do not know what man you are keeping in mind asking this tricky question. I am not good at personal dating advice.

So consequently I am afraid my answer will not be very personal or  original one..as it is not only the Russian men's "thing" to look for a Russian wife. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts many other men often also look for Russian spouses. (Shall l do my research and write on the qualities of Russian wives?)

Having said that I shall admit that many men of other nationalities who are living abroad, do stick to their traditions when looking for a spouse....Maybe they prefer to have at home a girl who will remind them of their mothers or sisters. Most likely she will cook them food they used to eat in their childhood (is it reassuring? ), will sing to their kids the songs they have heard as babies (romantic?). So that attachment to the origins has nothing to do with "the special Russian tradition" but more likely is typical for the first/second generation of emigrants living abroad.

But do not get discouraged. There are exceptions to all rules. Russian guys are not "the creatures unlike others" )))...in fact, they are not that different and also like different types of girls to the point of even marrying some of them.

FEW UNKNOWN STATISTICS:

1.Russian 36 years old billionaire ANDREI MELNICHENKO married Serbian beauty queen Sandra Nicolic offering her fairy tale style life in Russia.

2. Famous Russian actor Igor Kostolevsky (Russian Bret Pitt) who played in 1975 the XIX century Russian noble officer who felt in love with a French seamstress (their real love story was immortalised in 1840 by the novel of Alexander Duma THE FRENCH MASTER)...ended up marrying his French woman 20 years later.




3. Russian NHL player Valery Bure is happily married to American actress Candace Cameron . Now they raise their three children.

4. Soviet poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko (honored by the US president Nixon ) has been married many times,  two of which to the foreigners: British Joan Butler and American Marina Novika .

5. And the most recent one ........even though it is not a marriage, but a head spinning love of a renown model Naomi Campbell and less known Russian real estate billionaire Vladislav Doronin.

Apparently she is willing to convert to the Russian Orthodox church to be able to marry him in his faith. 
CUTE! We'll see how this fairy tale ends )))

P.S. BONUS

When you are finally with your Russian man, apart from the natural cultural differences, please be ready to deal  with the feeling that "everything is MEGA REAL"...to the point of "even too much" ))) (like his favorite Russian language song in the rewind mode in the car)

Love, emotions, presents, flowers will be overflowing as well as sometimes silence, mystery or reluctance to "talk it over", etc... One thing is garanteed, you rarely will be bored.

"Marry a Russian girl "

In year 2008, a book fair was held at New Delhi where there was a special stall for Russian books. There I met with a Russian craftsmen. We talked for sometime and I asked him about literature of Fyodor Dostyovasky and Leo Tolstoy.
Apart from there names, he didn't know much. He introduced me to his family, he gave me his phone no and address in Kazan.
At the time of departure he advised me to "visit Russia and marry a Russian girl?". Listening the word "marriage" I became suspicious and left from there.

But this incident keeps on rolling in my mind to this day. Can you tell or interpret what possibly might have been the intent of that person.

Asked by Sanju, India


Dear Sanju,

Of cause I cant get into the mind of another man but somehow, judging from the your letter, I would not worry about the mean intentions of this craftsmen, who (I bet) is happy in his marriage ))))) I am sure he meant well proposing you to visit Russia and marry a Russian girl.


I am afraid it will be unfair to the great girls of other nations and will sound like pure marriage agency advertisement, if I list here all qualities of Russian wives ))))... The prove is that there are many of them happily married to Indian men.

I can only advise you ....listen to your heart when it comes to choosing your future wife ))

P.S. Maybe you should just go to visit Russia...and not thinking about meeting a girl but just to see a land of Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy. )) Think about it!

Arrivial of a newborn in Russia

I'd like to know ...who cares for mother and baby the first days after birth. Is it the family, like grandmother and aunts, or a nurse?
Is there any difference between giving birth in a city or at the countryside?
And what's the role of the father? I found a site which said that fathers after the birth of their child the whole night go boozing with friends, but I thought that rather unlikely.

Next, is there some party for the family, friends, and neighbors or can they visit whenever they?
Are there special gifts you give the mother and child?
And is it still a custom to wrap the baby?

Asked by Maud, Holland
This is a big subject, but I'll try to summarize everything in several short paragraphs.

ALWAYS


Indeed, the world surrounding the birth of a new person rests in Russia purely the women's world. I will disappoint you to say that not that Russian men don't love their newborn children.... it is just rather cultural to leave the pregnancy and everything concerning this mysterious process to the women.

Social studies prove that majority of Russian women won't expect the father of their baby to accompany her through the pregnancy to doctors or even to be present at the labor room.

You will be surprised, but chastity and timidity would be the right words to describe the feelings of both sides.
Majority of women would have their babies in the official medical establishments where they will stay from 5-7 days after giving a birth (this, by the way, allows woman to rest) and just few would prefer to have a labor at home under the supervision of a midwife. Rural areas won't be much different from the towns.
The level of comfort could vary .....but this will be true for any other country.)))))


One important issue would be the restriction on the visits in the neonatal section of the hospital. In many places, even fathers are not welcomed. Hygiene standards don't allow any foreign infection in the hospital. So grandparents, friends, and relatives will have to wait until the newborn is allowed to go home with his mom. ...And that is why in every family you will have a picture of them on the stairs of the hospital accompanied by a woman wearing white robe holding wrapped pink of blue blanket ))))
Thus, the midwife presents a new member to the family!
...And yes, we do wrap our babies for the first several months of life ))))
TRADITIONS & SUPERSTITIONS

The modern life and technology definitely entered life of Russians, but there are some traditions and superstitions which survived all: Tsar, Soviet, and any modern times influence )))

1. During the pregnancy, a woman should not eat in secret (hiding). If she does so: her child could be born fearful.

Modern EXPLANATION: Such desire can appear either in case of food deficiency (which in our time is, fortunately, rare), or in case of eating “forbidden fruits”, for example chocolate or oranges, which can be considered as allergic for the baby. .... (Still not clear how could it make the kid fearful)))

2. Never mention that you are pregnant, except to a father of a child and a doctor! Until stomach becomes noticeable, a woman should not mention to anyone her pregnancy. ...Grandparents, friends included.
Modern EXPLANATION: This very ancient popular belief. Once there was an entire “system” of rites, which helped a woman to conceal the pregnancy from the evil spirits, which aimed to harm an unborn baby. Women wore husband's shirts, worked as much as others to hide her pregnancy especially from those, among whom could hide anyone with a "bad eye".

Nowadays contemporary psychologists recommend following this advice in certain cases (especially when there is a threat of the miscarriage). The reason for this is not in “being jinxed” but a probable natural miscarriage during the first term. If this misfortune happens, the possible questions on the state of mother's health can traumatize woman even more than the event itself.
3. The name of a future child must be held in secret. A name of an unborn baby can be considered but shall be held in strict secrecy as the evil spirits can try to harm an unborn baby.

4. Pregnant mother shall not touch domestic animals. A pregnant woman must not play with the cat, even take it into the hands, in the child will otherwise be many enemies.
Modern EXPLANATION: The discovery in XX century of toxoplasmosis, a very dangerous disease for future moms, which is actually transferred by cats, cleared this superstition.

5. No clothes or toys or anything shall be bought or kept in the house where the pregnant woman lives. If grandparents or father buy anything they shall never show it to a future mom. Everyone pretends that there is no change coming in the family's life. Father will have time to get it all once a baby is born. That is what he is doing together with all aunts and grandparents when mother and a baby rest after the labor.
6. A woman shall not cut her hair during the pregnancy. (I couldn't get a decent explanation why).

7. No stranger eyes should look at the baby until the child is the 1-2 month old.

There are no traditions of any baby shower in Russia. Presents are just given to the parents at the occasions.
Usually, the first party would be organized for the christening (if the parents plan to baptize a baby) or for any other close holiday (New Year/birthday of a member of a family). But more often you will not be invited to the house. Once again - "no infection in the house" is needed.

P.S. Hope, it covers more or less all of your questions. As for the father's drinking all night long after the day when his son was born. You know, I am sure this is not only Russian tradition...but who would blame the happy dad? ))